The Importance of the Funeral Ceremony to Accept the Loss


The Importance of the Funeral Ceremony to Accept the Loss

Regina Marques — Systemic Coach

Last November 22, we had a conversation with the 1st Ambassador Partner of the Funeral Therapy Services project, Paulo Castilho from the Castilho Funeral Home, founded in 1977 in Águeda.

As he deals with death and grief on a daily basis, he shared with us some experiences and evolution of trends in the sector, mentioning that “everything is possible nowadays, from funerals with ambient music, to casting ashes in the sea…”

In approaching the Grief process, he testified that “the Human Being reacts in totally unexpected ways during the Grief process, and that it begins precisely at the time when family members are faced with the need to request funeral services".

Paulo Castilho mentioned that around 95% of the people he works for know what they want. However, there are some family members who seem to be “lost in the desert”, without any idea of ​​what they want, yet this is a normal state because they are emotionally in shock.

In his opinion, the topic of death and mourning should be daily addressed, as it is still avoided and considered taboo, despite being a certainty that we have in life.

He considers that bereaved people, whether or not they are family members, want to feel a lot of support in this last farewell tribute, and it is not always easy, since each person processes grief is different, also mentioning that “there are people who can only talk about their loss long after the funeral.”

In this follow-up and once that it is a complex process, he reveals that he considers it important for professionals to evaluate the provision of their services, reflecting on what could possibly have gone better, as there are details that make all the difference, such as care when dealing with the urn and the veils and which represents greater respect and consideration for all parties. So, “at the end of every funeral I do, I meditate for two minutes”.

Although the grieving process is unique for each person, he considers that funeral ceremonies are essential so that family members and friends can start the grieving process in a healthy way, as there is a need to accept that there is actually a physical loss of the person who has passed away, although the bond lasts through the feeling of Love.

To the question of how he finds the strength to comfort families, Paulo Castilho replies that he shares his energy with others in order to help them, but he also breaks down and, at those times, “I think about all the other cases of people who are much worse and with a lot of pain, with more difficulties comparing with me. This is what gives me the strength and courage to continue doing my job the best I know-how and the best I can.”

You have to have strength and courage to overcome, because “the end of hope can be the beginning of death” – Charles de Gaulle.

So if you need support, we are here for you!

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