"The Place of Death"


"The Place of Death"

Systemic Reflection

"I still walk, eat and have sensations but no longer feel joy in life. Days go by but the joy of feeling positive emotions, is long gone and gone when you left me."

This description perhaps reverberates in the hearts of some people who read it and who identify with the lack of existence of positive emotions in their daily lives.

When observing the phenomenological field, it is common to realize that some people find themselves in a place of "non-life," conditioned by unconscious loyalties to family members who have already died. People who are alive, "move" to the place of those relatives, in an attempt, which I emphasize, is unconscious, to bring them back to life, since they were not able to make a true farewell and process the mourning in a healthy way. For some, a part of them also died!

It is very important to observe these dynamics and to help the person say goodbye, to do the mourning, freeing them from the frequent feelings of guilt that they often carry. Guilt for not being there to protect, for not saying something important, perhaps, how much he loved him; guilt for sayng what he believes was not the right thing, lacking an apology, in short, many times even the guilt of being alive, when the other had a tragic destiny and saw his life project interrupted... in short... each case and situation corresponds to a drama that needs to be elaborated in order to pacify the heart of the one who suffers.

The process of accepting each one's destiny is a very important step, so that the memories of the shared moments can be preserved inside each person, in a more serene and joyful heart, to welcome and "keep alive" those who have already died...

And to those who are still here, that is God's wil... until one day, because there is still a reason, a raison d'être for everything that happens, and much work to be done!


And life goes on, like this, with much love, beyond our understanding, in this human condition!


Regina Marques

Classical Family Constellations Psychotherapist

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